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M
Moderator
Username: mjm

Post Number: 3071
Registered: 11-1998
Posted on Thursday, June 09, 2005 - 4:28 pm:   Edit Post Delete Post View Post/Check IP    Move Post (Moderator/Admin Only)

.

Shoes Brought Me to This Place
_________________________________________________


Black felt, clog-inspired, many sizes
too large. My feet slip, treacherously
near the verge with every step. In them,
I sorrowfully n/um tchai until dawn.

I am forced to breakfast with the others, told to eat
institutionalized, rheumy eggs if I wish
to be whole again. “Scrambled are good
for me?” I ask -- scrambled was the van

that carried me here. My fork shakes
like a shekere. I eat in them, sleep
in them, bathe in them. They mold
my soles, infect me with his contours,

character. His thrumming hum numbs
my toes, rises through me. Orderlies try to remove
them; I slap their hands, bite the back
of their necks. When the shrieking starts

at night, I hide inside them, soft
and safe. They are risk, ritual, reward.
“He is dead,” the therapist tells me.
No, not when his shoes still dance.


.


M. Kathryn Black
Advanced Member
Username: kathryn

Post Number: 2433
Registered: 09-2002
Posted on Thursday, June 09, 2005 - 5:18 pm:   Edit Post Delete Post View Post/Check IP    Move Post (Moderator/Admin Only)

M, when I read your poem I think of that saying, "comfortable as an old pair of shoes." For me, this isn't an easy poem to interpret, but I felt it was about holding onto the familiar in a vicious world, maybe also about finding safety in the midst of madness. Some words I didn't know the meaning of like the Asian word in the first stanza, but I felt overall it was a powerful piece of work.
Best, Kathryn
marty
Valued Member
Username: marty

Post Number: 542
Registered: 10-2003
Posted on Thursday, June 09, 2005 - 7:11 pm:   Edit Post Delete Post View Post/Check IP    Move Post (Moderator/Admin Only)

M,
Psychological and yet it carries with it something that the reader can relate to. It is difficult in the sense that the interpretation may come in layers, but the composition is simple in its wordings that the reader is drawn. I did not contemplate on the difficulty of interpreting, I instead focused on "what is" in the poem.
As always, far in between, but whenever you choose to post, its always beautiful.

Cheers Brethren
"A-Bear"
Moderator
Username: dane

Post Number: 1100
Registered: 11-1998
Posted on Thursday, June 09, 2005 - 9:05 pm:   Edit Post Delete Post View Post/Check IP    Move Post (Moderator/Admin Only)

n/um tchai ? Please translate. And believe me, I have tried. Installed several language packs to no avail (Chinese, Korean, etc., traditional and simplified). I'm pulling my hair - help ? Before I self-commit, okay ?
E V Brooks
Intermediate Member
Username: lia

Post Number: 1068
Registered: 12-2003
Posted on Friday, June 10, 2005 - 2:35 am:   Edit Post Delete Post View Post/Check IP    Move Post (Moderator/Admin Only)

A very well crafted piece M, very confessional that left me with shivers by the end.. I almost felt possessed too! But then, your writing always draws the reader in to the very heart of anything you write. Wonderful work!

Lia
M
Moderator
Username: mjm

Post Number: 3072
Registered: 11-1998
Posted on Friday, June 10, 2005 - 12:27 pm:   Edit Post Delete Post View Post/Check IP    Move Post (Moderator/Admin Only)

Dearest friends -- thank you so much for reading my working and leaving me such thoughtful comments. Yes, I thought this one might be a bit esoteric, but I'm happy that people can find their own interpretations. For me, it is about a woman who loses her husband, but still wears his shoes. She is crazy in her grief and is institutionalized. I think perhaps you can understand it from there.

As to the foreign words, they are African. The first is a !Kung Bushman term, the second Nigerian. Rather than try to explain n/um tchai in my own words, here is something easily found on the net:

"Tchai is the word used by the !Kung to describe getting together to dance and sing; n/um can be translated as medicine, or supernatural potency. The !Kung gather for "medicine dances" often, usually at night, and sometimes such dances last until dawn. Women sit on the ground, clapping and singing and occasionally dancing a round or two, while men circle around them, singing and stamping rhythms with their feet. The songs are wordless but named: "rain," "sun," "honey," "giraffe," and other "strong things." The strength of the songs is their n/um, or medicine, thought to be a gift from the great god. N/um is also in the fire, and even more so in the "owners of medicine," or curers. Most !Kung men practice as curers at some point in their lives, and in this film we see several men in various stages of trance. A light trance gradually deepens, as the medicine grows "hot," and eventually some men will shriek and run about, falling on hot coals, entering the state the !Kung call "half-death."

As to the shekere, it is a hand percussion instrument. The forerunner of the casaba. It is a gourd that is covered with beads. You've probably seen them many times in bands that play World or African music. You shake it and the beads hit the gourd making a rattling sound.

Hope this answers the questions. And again, thanks for inspiring and supporting me.

Love,
M
michael julius sottak
Intermediate Member
Username: julius

Post Number: 1526
Registered: 12-2003
Posted on Friday, June 10, 2005 - 1:00 pm:   Edit Post Delete Post View Post/Check IP    Move Post (Moderator/Admin Only)

The last stanza, and, in particular, the last line, make this dance, MJ...

I like the mysterious incantations, the delirium that accompanies... it works without the explanation... (though most welcome)
Zephyr
Intermediate Member
Username: zephyr

Post Number: 2680
Registered: 07-2003
Posted on Friday, June 10, 2005 - 1:05 pm:   Edit Post Delete Post View Post/Check IP    Move Post (Moderator/Admin Only)

Thank you for the explanation of those words M,
A poem from you is always special, much pathos here, and I had no problem interpreting this.
steve
New member
Username: twobyfour

Post Number: 22
Registered: 05-2005
Posted on Friday, June 10, 2005 - 1:45 pm:   Edit Post Delete Post View Post/Check IP    Move Post (Moderator/Admin Only)

dear m

write more please!!

i love how this unfolds till we confirm that the shoes belong to someone else. you have some ambiguities in this, but then again, i think they belong in this because she is a bit crazy. also, i like how you've forced the piece into quatrains even though the natural breaks in the narrative don't fit the form. again, i like how this mirrors her feeling of being out of place in an institution.

the shrieks could be her or not, reads well both ways.

lastly, i admire that you resisted going to Oz, as most of us would when writing about shoes, so thanks for that as well.

so like i said, write more :-)

love
s
Gary Blankenship
Advanced Member
Username: garyb

Post Number: 3945
Registered: 07-2001
Posted on Friday, June 10, 2005 - 8:25 pm:   Edit Post Delete Post View Post/Check IP    Move Post (Moderator/Admin Only)

Coming late to this wonderful poem (demonstrating why you are on my short list), others have said it better than I might.

The poem relates the end of lives and what goes when lives paired become one as well as any I have read...or does it.

I would italic shekere

Line 14 too long

And if Monday this is not an IBPC poem, please mail me.

Thanks.

Gary

ps, why do you include the African words. Clogs took me elsewhere and there is no other reason in clear in the poem...
Time to read FireWeed. Go in through http://www.mindfirerenew.com/
to get to the issue in a couple of clicks
M
Moderator
Username: mjm

Post Number: 3082
Registered: 11-1998
Posted on Friday, June 10, 2005 - 9:10 pm:   Edit Post Delete Post View Post/Check IP    Move Post (Moderator/Admin Only)

Thank you, my dear ones, for your words. Your comments and your interest always make the writing so worthwhile. I would write more, s, but then I would have to watch more terribly upsetting movies that make me walk in circles half the night. I don't know -- is it worth that? *smile*

Dearest Mr. B -- Yep, I thought that line was too long too, but someone convinced me that staggered line lengths reinforce her obviously crazed mental state. I mean would someone who's obviously so far out on the ledge write in neat, orderly lines? I must admit, I had to agree with that advice after I thought about it for awhile. The suggestion was to make the lines lengths even more staggered than they are.

As to that other issue, the clogs thing, I really didn't think about it until you mentioned it. This one comes from personal experience and the shoes that were left behind were clogs, so I guess I just told the truth without considering the implications. I did some research, though, after you brought it up and the earliest examples of clogs that have been found were in the Egyptian culture. Is that close enough to African? *smile* Clogs progressed from there to Italy (Romans wore them), Spain, France, Central Europe, etc. They didn't make their appearance in the Netherlands until rather late, around 1570. Does that pull my butt out of the fire a bit?

I used the African words mainly because I wanted the mysticism of those cultures infused into this piece. The dance in particular was perfect for this poem -- the magic, the medicine, the trance state, the half-death. It said in two words what it would have taken me lines and lines to try to describe about her reaction to grief and loss. She was a goner. *sigh*
Gary Blankenship
Advanced Member
Username: garyb

Post Number: 3951
Registered: 07-2001
Posted on Friday, June 10, 2005 - 9:22 pm:   Edit Post Delete Post View Post/Check IP    Move Post (Moderator/Admin Only)

smiles

understood

Gar

and still email me if not
Time to read FireWeed. Go in through http://www.mindfirerenew.com/
to get to the issue in a couple of clicks
Dale McLain
Valued Member
Username: sparklingseas

Post Number: 811
Registered: 11-2004
Posted on Saturday, June 11, 2005 - 6:29 am:   Edit Post Delete Post View Post/Check IP    Move Post (Moderator/Admin Only)

M~ Very touching. I am reading a book you might enjoy... "Good Grief" by Molly Winston.
http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg/detail/-/0446533041/002-6728067-2457608?v=glance
take care~dale
Kathy Paupore
Intermediate Member
Username: kathy

Post Number: 1976
Registered: 12-2003
Posted on Saturday, June 11, 2005 - 7:06 am:   Edit Post Delete Post View Post/Check IP    Move Post (Moderator/Admin Only)

M, I posted here yesterday, but it must have been lost in the machine. I liked this piece very much. I said more, but can't recall now.

:-) K
M
Moderator
Username: mjm

Post Number: 3085
Registered: 11-1998
Posted on Saturday, June 11, 2005 - 1:40 pm:   Edit Post Delete Post View Post/Check IP    Move Post (Moderator/Admin Only)

Mr. B -- will do!

Thank you so very much, Dale and Kathy, for your visits. Thank you as well, Dale, for the book recommendation. I will add that to my list. The books I have waiting to be read are in a separate section in my library -- they're dwindling down to only several hundred (or is that thousand) right now, so there's always room for one more! *grin* Kathy -- I'm so sorry your comments were lost, but I will imagine good things. I thank you for the thoughts.

Love,
M
Emusing
Intermediate Member
Username: emusing

Post Number: 1189
Registered: 08-2003
Posted on Tuesday, June 14, 2005 - 11:35 pm:   Edit Post Delete Post View Post/Check IP    Move Post (Moderator/Admin Only)

Dear M,

I've been away from the boards a bit--too busy and bogged with some new activities so I'm late to comment. No difficulties understanding the message dear. Grief can make us cling to the tiniest remnant of the past. Your poem shoes it. Did I say that? I really meant to say shows and then...hah hah. Okay it's a shoe in. Yipes. It's late and I'd better get to bed. Thanks for your beautiful words M and HEY I tried to email you sometime back to congratulate you on your home but it got kicked with a too full box. Just know I was thinking of you.

Love,
E

P.S. I like the two longish lines. They created an interesting visual tension.

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